There is no yes or no answer to this question that can be applied to every child in every situation. It is best to involve children in making that decision. Explain what to expect at the funeral and allow children to decide if they want to attend. It needs to be their choice.

The most important thing is to be available to your children so they feel loved and supported at all times.  Truly listen and answer their questions as honestly and directly as you can. Observe their behavior and be as patient and as understanding as possible.  Asking exploring questions can help them to talk about their feelings and open up when ready.  Your steady presence is the best thing you can offer your children throughout their grief journey.  For more on this topic click here  Ways to Help Your Grieving Child

 The purpose of viewing the body of the deceased is to help survivors accept the reality and finality of the death, allow loved ones an opportunity to say "good-bye", and help the grieving process begin in a healthy way. When it comes to children we recommend that the following parameters be met in order for the viewing process to be a positive one:

1. The child had a close relationship with the deceased  If a child did not have a close relationship with the deceased, there is little reason to view the body. However, teenagers may come in order to express their support to the family.
2. The child has been told what to expect and has still chosen to view the body  It is paramount that a child be told what to expect before coming to view the body (i.e. Who will be there, why we are doing this, what the body might look like and feel like, What a casket is, etc) and that the decision to view the body is entirely theirs.
3. The child will be accompanied by an adult  A parent or guardian should go with the child to view the body together. This will provide the child the security and comfort he or she needs.
4. The child will be free to express any emotion or concern  Do not try to stop the child from crying, asking questions, touching the body, or expressing any emotion. It is important for the child to feel free to express any of his or her feelings openly without being "hushed".
5.  A caring adult will be available to talk with the child afterward It is important to ask children about their reactions and feelings after viewing the body of someone they love. Telling them how you feel will also help them to process their emotions.

• Use age-appropriate words and concepts the child will understand  For example, avoid using words like "fire" or "burned" where possible or utilize concepts such as the life cycle of a flower or leaves on trees to assist you.

• Talk about Differences Between "The Person" and "The Body" It is difficult for children to make this distinction, but it is important. This will help prevent children from thinking the body will be hurt during the cremation or burial process. You can explain that the person's body has stopped working and does not breathe, hear, see, or feel anything any more. Other ideas may be that "the body is just a shell", "the body stops working" and/ or "the person does not need the body anymore."

• Allow for many questions and be prepared for them to be asked repeatedly

• Invite the child to be involved in the burial/cremation process in some way where appropriate Examples may include allowing a child to help with decisions like choosing an urn or casket emblem, giving them the option to place flowers around the urn or on the casket,  or even inviting the child to see or scatter cremated remains.

Yes, it is healthy to let your child see you grieve. There may be times when you will need to grieve alone and cry, or scream out loud, and that is important. However, it is just as important to grieve as a family. Children learn how to grieve from the adults in their lives.  Let your children see you cry so they know that it is OK to be sad. It is OK to cry. It will give them reassurance that it is normal for them to feel the same way. In addition, if you talk to your children about your feelings you will create a strong bonding experience. Being open with them allows them to be open with you.

Additional Ways Your Openness Benefits Your Children (Wolfelt, 1991, p. 27)

• Your child will be more likely to share deep and personal feelings.
  
• Your child will feel more secure because you have created a more trusting environment.
  
• Your child will be empowered to explore more difficult feelings and therefore progress in his or her grief process in a healthy manner.
  

COMMMON REACTIONS FOR GRIEVING TEENS (Dougy Center, 1999b, pp.18-25)

• Academic Problems  It is difficult to concentrate during the early months of the grieving process. People commonly feel like they are in a fog. Parents Can Help: Talk to your teen's teachers and see if they can modify his or her assignments for at least a few months.

• Physical Reactions There are many physical reactions that are considered normal during grief. Sometimes headaches, anxiety, insomnia, digestive problems, and sleep problems can become prolonged. If symptoms persist, seek medical advice.

• Regressive Behaviors Reverting to younger behaviors can be a common grief behavior for children of all ages, even teens. Notice if your teen clings to people, becomes clumsy or timid, begins bed-wetting, stuttering, or playing immaturely. These are common and are no need for alarm unless they persist, in which case you should seek medical advice or counseling.

• Anger/ Misbehavior Death feels "unfair" and can cause teenagers to feel "cheated" and angry. They may act out in anger or behave in ways they don't normally. Give them some grace to feel these emotions as long as they are not causing harm to themselves or others.