| Pet Loss It may seem odd to some that we would include a page on our website dedicated to the subject of Pet Loss. "After all, they are only animals. It's not like they are people or anything." However, we know that the death of a pet can be just as traumatic to some as the death of a family member. In fact, there are times when the death of a companion pet can be even harder (Carmack, 2003, p. 84). "We are not measuring value here, but rather the sense of loss. . . the emotional attachment to the relative who died may not have been very strong at all. Thus the distress over the loss of the pet may indeed be worse, and the pet owner need not feel quilty about it" (Potter, S. & J. W., Sr., & Koss, G. J., 1991, p.13).
One of the reasons that the death of a pet is so difficult for some is the fact that our society does not fully accept pet loss as a viable need to grieve. "It was only a dog". The loss then produces a kind of "disenfranchised grief" which is due to "a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported" (Doka, 1989). In fear of being ridiculed, some keep quiet about their grief and suffer in silence. This makes their grief experience that much harder.
Corr, Nabe, & Corr have observed that there are "several lessons that really apply not only to pet loss, but to all losses". These lessons are: 1) It is the relationship the bereaved had with the deceased, "not the object of the relationship (in this case, the animal in question)"; 2) The circumstances surrounding the death or loss; and 3) The circumstances of the survivor; such as age, prior grief experience, and an available support system (Corr, Nabe, & Corr, 2003, p. 253).. As a result, the best thing we can do to help those who have lost a pet is to "recognize the value of the relationship" (Corr, Nabe, & Corr, 2003, p. 253) the individual had with their pet and allow them to feel the same kind of pain, loneliness, and heartache one might expect when a close family member dies. Feel free to contact Ralph Plumley, our Bereavement Coordinator, if you would like more information concerning the grief associated with pet loss. He is available to answer questions, provide resources, or to simply listen to your personal story of grief. Ralph can be reached at Doherty Funeral Homes by calling (302) 652-6811 or by e-mail at bereavement@dohertyfh.com. References
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Some
statistics about pet owners are very interesting. "84 percent
consider their animals family members; 99 percent talk to their
pets and 54 percent celebrate their pet's birthday" ( Wolfelt,
1992). Once, when a group of children were asked, "who can you
talk to when you are sad and grieving?" One 6th grader answered,
"My dog!" Pet's don't talk back. They don't tell others our
secrets. They love us unconditionally, no matter how we look
or what we do. They never tell us their problems and they are
always happy to see us. They are many times better friends to
us than the people we know. I guess that is why we refer to
them as "Man's best friend".
The
death of a pet also is the first death experience for some.
This is especially true for children but also some adults. Many
families have a pet cemetery in their back yard where hamsters,
canaries, cats, and dogs all find their final resting place.
We always seem to have the need to give them "a proper burial".
Sometimes we even say a few words or a prayer at the grave site.
We don't do this kind of thing for "just an animal".